Whisper in a Deadman's Ear
by FireyFreedom
Summary: Rest in Peace continues to haunt Buffy and when Spike decides to be considerate...


"Whisper in a deadmans' ear, doesn't make it real"

The words haunted Buffy, weeks after the nightmare two days. Spike's voice had slid over her, worming its way into her soul.

Spike was everything she stood against, everything she hated. And yet when they'd demolished the house, she hadn't even noticed when an ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE fell down around them she was so caught up in the feel of him.

Buffy blushed brilliant red in the darkness of her bedroom. She didn't love Spike, couldn't love him. It didn't explain why the only time she ever felt anything was with the vampire. Of course those feeling were pretty much limited to lust, disgust, anger, and shame, and that other un named feeling, which she totally didn't have.

Even in the silence of her bedroom Buffy couldn't admit the truth to herself. Dawn listened to her older sister toss and turn wondering what Buffy was worrying about this time.

After another hour without sleep Buffy gave up, slipping into jeans and a shirt, leaving the house silently. 'Just to patrol' she told herself.

Spike was walking through the cemetery, not doing anything, just walking. There was something tight and painful in his chest, and the only thing that eased it was Buffy, being near her, being needed by her.

Yes she needed him, even if she was right, and the Slayer could never love him, right now Buffy needed him. She needed to feel and none of her little buddies could help her. They'd pulled her out of heaven and expected her to just readjust to life in the normal world.

Spike cursed to himself. It was hard enough loving her when she hated him, loving Buffy when she needed him and wouldn't admit it, that was hard.

Neither one looking around, or paying the least bit of attention until suddenly they walked right into each other. Buffy froze when she came into contact with the familiar leather. Spike stepped back immediately, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry, is everything all right?"

"Its fine, everyone's fine, I just needed a walk." Buffy crossed her arms uncomfortably.

"I see, I'm just gonna head that way," Spike pointed in a random sideways direction, "for a little bit then head back to my crypt, so I'll just leave you alone." The vampire gave Buffy a smile before turning the way he'd pointed.

"Spike?"

'Don't get your hopes up, don't get your hopes up' he chanted to himself, turning back to the blonde, "What's up? You're not usually this-" the Slayer broke off looking for the right word.

"You've made your position on me, I mean your feelings, " Spike corrected quickly wanting to avoid any potential innuendo, "quite clear. I'm going to try and respect them. You know where to find me if, if anything ever happens, or you need anything."

Buffy nodded, biting her lip and looking down, 'That's what I wanted, him to leave me alone, and did he say try?' "What do you mean try?"

Spike gritted his teeth, "You know what the word means pet. I love you, and no matter what I do the fire won't go away, I try to ignore it, and it just comes back stronger."

"Don't-" Buffy stepped back.

"Don't what? Tell the truth? That's all I'm doing, maybe you should try it sometimes, even if it is only to yourself." Spike snarled, stopping himself from stepping forward. One step backwards, then another, and he was finally leaving. He meant what he said, unless Buffy came to him, needing something, he was going to stay away.

Buffy stared at the bleached blonde head as it left, torn between anger and longing. Annoyed with herself Buffy turned away even as Spike's song drifted through her mind.

'Patrol' went fine, and Buffy returned home in time to shower and make Dawn breakfast. After okaying Dawn to spend the weekend at her friend's house and nodding to Willow when the witch said she was going to go "Somewhere to look for something. Not that I'm looking for anything"

"Will, its fine, go on, I'll see you when you get back."

A nod from the redhead, and Buffy was alone at home.

Yet another shift at the Doublemeat Palace, god she hated it there, and Buffy was rushing home to change and go on patrol again.

After getting thrown into several different tombstones by a gang of vampires that wanted a chance to kill the Slayer, and getting slammed in the ribs several times by the weird staff thing of yet another random chaos worshipping demon, Buffy limped home and started the shower, moving stiffly. Slayer healing or no, she was one big bruise.

There was a tap on the bathroom door, and Buffy frowned, "Dawn did you forget something?"

"It's Spike."

There was silence, before Buffy stuttered, "Oh, uhm, what are you doing here?"

"Look, I need to tell you something, but it can wait for you to finish, I'll wait in the living room."

Considerate, that was the word she'd been looking for last night. Buffy didn't really know what to do with this new considerate Spike. Usually he would have just walked straight in, made several inappropriate comments, made a pass at her, and told her whatever it was he thought he needed to say.

"You can uhm, come in."

Silence again, before the door opened slowly and Spike peaked his blonde head around it. He was without his jacket, just the tight fitting black shirt he always wore.

Buffy turned away before she started to ogle his chest, checking the temperature of the shower water.

"You're hurt?"

'Damn it, of course he notices' "It's no big, what did you need?"

Spike's eyes screamed worry, but he shut the door behind him, causing Buffy to tense up. "It's okay luv, I'm going to stay right here see? Lots of space between us."

"What did you need?" Buffy snapped stepping forward, meaning to threaten the vampire, before the pain in her ribs stopped her, forcing her to double over.

"Buffy." Spike made a move to step forward but Buffy held up her hand.

"I'm fine."

Spike nodded, not believing her, but starting to speak anyway, "I just came to let you, or well, I was gonna just tell Red, but she wasn't here, so I-" Spike stopped he was babbling, and cleared his throat, "There's something going down with a new vampire gang in town, they've got a few that could actually be dangerous. I don't know where they're laying yet, but, I figured you'd like the tip."

Buffy nodded, "Thanks but I think I staked them all tonight."

"Okay, I'll ask around, make sure they're all gone. Are you sure you're alright?"

Buffy, from her new position leaning against the shower wall cursed again, "A couple of broken ribs, I've had worse."

"Right. Is little bit or red gonna be coming home?"

"Why?"

Spike just gave Buffy a level look.

"No, Dawn's at her friends and Willow's… somewhere, I'm not really clear on where exactly. They won't be back until Sunday night or Monday."

Spike's eyes took her in, not burning as usual, but evaluating. Buffy frowned, ready to snap, she didn't need his anything.

"Look, have your shower, is there anything you'll need for you ribs?"

Buffy opened her mouth to snap at him, but shut it slowly, "There's a bottle of ibuprofen in the kitchen and probably ice in the freezer, could you put them in my bedroom?" It was slow, hesitant, and Buffy wouldn't meet Spike's eyes, but she'd said.

"Yeah, just, er, call if you need anything." Spike said, slipping out of the bathroom.

Buffy watched the closed door, hand reaching for the lock, before letting it fall and carefully undressing and getting into the shower.

When she emerged, holding her screaming ribs and walked to the bedroom, the bottle of pain meds was sitting on the night stand next to the bed with a glass of water and two pills already set out. Spike and ice were nowhere to be seen.

As soon as she'd swallowed the pills and lain down there was a soft tap on her door before Spike entered quietly. "You didn't have any ice packs, so I waited to bring the ice up until now, so it wouldn't melt." The vampire was holding a dish towel, supposedly wrapped around ice.

Buffy held out her hand, but Spike walked over to the side of the bed closest to her, kneeling down, "Let me see?"

Buffy watched his eyes carefully, "I just want to check, I know you're a bad ass."

In reply, the slayer lifted her shirt up just under her bra, revealing a nasty bruise. Spike immediately wanted to kill those things, for a third time, but he settled for carefully laying the ice against the bruise, angling it so no points dug into the tender flesh and bone, pulling Buffy's shirt back over it.

"Anything else?" he asked, not meeting the eyes he could feel on him.

"I think I'm good."

Spike nodded, standing up, "I'll check on the gang and niblet –"

"Spike?"

'Don't get your hopes up, she's going to tell you to stop, she's going to fall back into bitch mode, don't get your hopes-'

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah"

"Do you remember what you sang, when that demon made us all dance and sing?"

"Yes."

The girl in the bed hesitated, "Will you sing it again?"

Spike frowned, "That's an odd request luv"

Buffy huffed, "Fine, just-"

"I died so many years ago" Spike began to sing, his rich voice lulling Buffy into relaxing against the bed, ice numbing her ribs.

When he finished, Spike smiled to himself, Buffy was sleeping peacefully, arm carefully keeping the ice against her ribs. The vampire settled against the window to wait for the ice to melt. He'd remove the ice, and leave.

But when he went to remove the ice, a hand grabbed his wrist. "the ice is melted pet, I'm just going to dump it and leave, go back to sleep."

"Spike?" The vampire's body tensed, Buffy's voice was sleep rough and just a little needy.

"Right here luv."

"Don't leave." The hand on his wrist tugged him down, and Spike found himself sprawled across Buffy, struggling to keep his weight off her.

"I'm right here Buffy" His voice was never this soft when the Slayer was all the way awake, she wouldn't let him, but right here, right now, he could let himself soften for her. Or at least his voice could soften, certain parts of him weren't getting any softer with the influx of her scent.

"You told me to be honest, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Spike let himself stroke a lock of that golden hair he loved so much.

"I don't want you to be soft, or gentle, because when you are, I think I might fall in love with you, and it scares me."

At that Spike pushed up to look at Buffy's eyes, which were half shut in sleep, but serious. He smiled, "Don't be scared." Fingers trailed gently over Buffy's cheek, "I'll be as gentle as you want, or I'll be as rough as you need. Anything you need, when you need."

"The curtains are open."

Spike frowned looking over, indeed they were, "Say tonight. With me, please?"

"So tomorrow you can yell at me, and take back everything you've said tonight?" There was just an edge of bitterness to Spike's voice. Before he sighed, "I'll be here pet, let me get rid of the ice, I'll be right back."

Of course he was, Buffy asked, and Spike obeyed. Tomorrow she would go back to the old way, but now Spike knew how to win her. He would be gentle, he'd woo her, and prove to her that demon or not, he could love her.

Buffy woke slowly, feeling finger's softly tracing the muscles on her arm. She blinked, suddenly remembering what she'd said last night.

"That's a pretty blush pet," Spike's voice sounded in her ear, "good morning."

As close as they were, Buffy could feel every muscle in Spike's body tense. He was waiting for her to throw him, to shout and yell, and pretend what happened last night didn't happen at all.

It was her first reaction, she didn't want to be weak, not in front of anyone, and certainly not in front of him. Instead she forced herself to reply, "Good morning," and begin to sit up.

Her ribs protested this action rather loudly, but Buffy gritted her teeth and got through it. Spike rested a hand on her shoulder, the other offering more pain meds. With a nod Buffy took them, finishing the water from last night.

Spike stood from the bed, moving towards the door, "I don't have my blanket, but I'll stay downstairs unless you need me."

He was giving her space, leaving while he was still ahead and they were both being civil. "Spike, I'm sorry."

"What for luv?" he asked, eyes closed, ready for the pain, again.

"Calling you evil, being an ungrateful bitch, for not knowing what I want, and taking it out on you." Buffy was looking steadfastly at the floor, "It isn't fair. So, I'm sorry."

Spike turned to her slowly, "I get it. Just, stop pushing me away, please?"

"I'll try. Thanks, for last night."

The vampire nodded, "Anytime, I'll be downstairs."

The door closed behind him, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts, and her promise. She couldn't love him, not yet, but if he kept this up, she could already feel herself falling for him.


End file.
